you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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