If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Randomize
