just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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