I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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