im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
jump out the window naked night went bad
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