he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
