That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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