He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Ketchup is God's man juice
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
