I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
