Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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