I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Randomize