and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Randomize
