I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
