I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
did i just pee glitter
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
