my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Sober January is a disaster.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
