Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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