i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
