he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize