he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
