The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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