wat bout pragnant strippers??
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
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