you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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