he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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