I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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