Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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