his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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