I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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