you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
