I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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