Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
