Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
