I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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