i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
