I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
