Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
