Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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