you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
