I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
he was CRYING into my vagina
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
