Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize