she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
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