if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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