you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
This baby is an asshole
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
