I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
