woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
