I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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