I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
