Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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