Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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