yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize