A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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