yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
