She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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