Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize