The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
