Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
