Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
