whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
