i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
