We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
