I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
