I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
