She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
