I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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