i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
