I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Randomize