Screwed.edu
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize
