Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
