What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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