who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
only you would photoshop your dick
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
