I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
